Joy in Unexpected Places

Robb and I feel very blessed that we truly enjoy each other's families. For Christmas we are in Utah with his mom and his sister (and her family), and we're having an awesome time visiting, playing (especially Ren, who adores his cousins), laughing, and generally making lots of good memories. 

We flew in (which, when you have a baby, no stroller - oops! - a husband with a severe back injury, and way too many carry on and personal items, is a story all on its own) and didn't rent a car. Not a big deal, since we're staying at Robb's sister's house and have done few things that require all five adults and five children to go somewhere at the same time. Tonight, however, we upheld the Thurmond family tradition of going out for Chinese food for Christmas Eve dinner. Robb's sister and her family took their van and the four of us and Robb's mom went in her Honda CRV. Which meant someone - read, yours truly - got to sit in between the car seat and the booster seat in back. My thought going in? "Oh joy."

But you know what? It actually (surprisingly and amazingly) WAS a joy. There I was, literally crammed in between the boys' safety seats, and Farren asked if he could hold my hand. Then I decided to hold Soren's hand, too, because why not? 

I am not a warm and fuzzy mom, by any means. I don't like babies and am just starting to bond with Soren - and he just turned one. BUT, I definitely love my snuggles, and sitting between my two children, holding their hands and having them hold on to me, was one of the most joyful experiences I have had in a long time. 

Life is hard. In fact, for the last year it has seemed almost impossibly difficult. But these unexpected moments, squished in between one thing and another, are immeasurably precious and I am very grateful for them. 

Merry Christmas everyone. Give your loved ones an extra hug and may you feel a little extra joy, too. 

Noodles and Soda and Movies

Last night Robb helped out by putting Ren to bed. Well, at least trying to put Ren to bed. In the process Robb threw out his back (not as severe as last time, but still, not good) and was down and out for the count. He was up most of the night with massive pain and finally took a mega dose of pain medication around 4 o'clock in the morning.

No fun, but not too bad, right? Fast forward to this morning...

Robb is basically incoherent on the couch (no sleep, muscle relaxants, and Percoset will do that to you), I'm getting breakfast for Ren and suddenly - I start throwing up. Ah, the joys of pregnancy!

I'm sure this doesn't sound fun (it hasn't been), but here's what I'm grateful for today:
- friends who tried to find ways to help/watch Ren for me (it didn't work out, but at least they tried)
- Netflix, which kept Ren quietly occupied for several hours while I concentrated on not throwing up (and no, I don't generally advocate hours of TV watching, especially because Ren gets really cranky when I eventually turn it off, but I am SERIOUSLY grateful for Netflix any time both Robb and I are sick)
- soda, which helps my stomach calm down, and
- soba noodles, which are yummy and stayed down (hooray!)

If I can find something good on a day like today, so can you - so what's your good thing today?

Coincidence? I Think Not.

I went on Facebook and as it was loading I saw a status post that intrigued me, but as the page fully loaded it disappeared. I looked for it in my newsfeed, didn't find it, so searched out that individual's page to locate the post. Their status/quote led me to a very good article, and within the article there was another quote that really struck me. I followed the footnote to find the second article, and it was exactly what I needed to read.

Sometimes the Lord is so obviously involved in my life that even I can't fail to miss it. (And I'm very grateful!)

Silver Lining

So about three weeks ago I cut off all my hair, and two weeks later it was driving me nuts (still too long), so I went and got it cut again. Well...it's now a little shorter than I really wanted (I look a LOT more like my younger brother than I ever realized!), but here's one bit of silver lining: my default bed head is now a mohawk! It makes me laugh every morning. :-)

Background

So about seven or eight weeks ago Robb injured his back. This has happened before, and usually within a week or two he's good to go. This time, not so much. After about a month of seeing the chiropractor three times a week the good doctor (he really IS pretty awesome) suggested to Robb that he felt there was a high probability of disk trouble and that Robb should see his regular doctor and request some images of his spine.

One MRI later (about four weeks ago) we found out that Robb has some serious stuff going on in his lower back. (It's likely the original injury happened about ten years ago in a major mountain biking accident and that Robb has simply aggravated it and re-aggravated it to reach his current state.) Turns out Robb has three bulging disks, central canal stenosis (compression on his spinal cord), another problem with a nerve root, arthritis, and general degenerative disk problems. In his doctor's words "This is life changing. There are things you should never do again. (i.e. Run.) You will need to take care of yourself very carefully for the rest of your life if you want to enjoy a 'normal' quality of life." The spinal specialist told Robb to cancel his artist in residency trip to Craters of the Moon and instructed him not to do anything - other than his PT exercises and walking - for at least one month. Needless to say, Robb was rather depressed for a few days right after his diagnosis.

What this has meant for me is that Robb cannot (or at least should not) do anything that requires bending. This includes:

• picking up Ren
• dressing Ren
• changing diapers
• cooking
• cleaning
• getting Ren into or out of the car
• driving 

Basically I became a single parent with two kids (although Robb did - and does - his best to help out however he can), all while working full time and dealing with being exhausted and nauseated 24/7 due to pregnancy. (I found out I was pregnant right around the time Robb got his MRI. Fun!)

I've been struggling along, trying to keep things together and, to be honest, not doing the most fabulous job. While talking with my therapist a few days ago she asked if I have anyone local to lean on for help. I told her that a few people at church had offered to help but that I have a really hard time actually letting others do these basic things (cleaning, laundry, child care) for me. Her response: "Ask for help!" So...on Sunday I sat down and wrote out a list of things people could do that would be helpful (drop off or pick up Ren from the babysitter's, watch him in the evening so I can clean, help clean and/or help with laundry.) Today I had several lovely offers: drop off and pick up, watch Ren in the afternoon, and even an offer to do a couple loads of laundry.

Now, I didn't actually take up any of these people on their offers of help - mostly because I spent the first half of the day being violently ill and the second half of the day in the doctor's office - however, it was really awesome to be offered so much assistance. Our amazing babysitter ended up keeping Ren until 6:30 (we usually pick him up at 2:00; we were at the doctor's for a looong time), and then Ren's former nanny called to let us know she was in town and wanted to take Ren for a play date. She and her husband kept him until 9:00, so I was able to just rest in bed.

All in all, people have been pretty extraordinary. Hopefully I can actually take them up on their various offers of service in the next few days and I'll have even more awesome experiences to share. We shall certainly see!

A Big Little Thing

April was a hard month - can you tell? Actually, the last 6+ weeks have been pretty killer: crazy stress at work up until April 1, Robb massively injured his back and still has limited mobility (he can now walk and drive but still can't pick up Ren, bend over to change diapers or clothes, etc.), legal stress, illness in the family, etc.

Things have been okay for a little while now but I got out of the habit of posting, so here's my rededication post of an extraordinary event from today: Today I got to see my baby's heart beating in an ultrasound. Life is absolutely extraordinary in every way.

Treats

Three words: Lee's Avocado Smoothie.  Oh yeeeeeaaah.

Lots of stress the last two days as I prepared for a potentially VERY difficult meeting today. I put at least five hours into a report (typically they take one hour each), and analyzed that thing to death. I decided my post-meeting reward would be one of my favorite treats: an avocado smoothie (though I did get mine sans boba today). I get these maybe twice a year, and they are SO good. Most definitely an extraordinary part of my day. :-D