Joy in Unexpected Places

Robb and I feel very blessed that we truly enjoy each other's families. For Christmas we are in Utah with his mom and his sister (and her family), and we're having an awesome time visiting, playing (especially Ren, who adores his cousins), laughing, and generally making lots of good memories. 

We flew in (which, when you have a baby, no stroller - oops! - a husband with a severe back injury, and way too many carry on and personal items, is a story all on its own) and didn't rent a car. Not a big deal, since we're staying at Robb's sister's house and have done few things that require all five adults and five children to go somewhere at the same time. Tonight, however, we upheld the Thurmond family tradition of going out for Chinese food for Christmas Eve dinner. Robb's sister and her family took their van and the four of us and Robb's mom went in her Honda CRV. Which meant someone - read, yours truly - got to sit in between the car seat and the booster seat in back. My thought going in? "Oh joy."

But you know what? It actually (surprisingly and amazingly) WAS a joy. There I was, literally crammed in between the boys' safety seats, and Farren asked if he could hold my hand. Then I decided to hold Soren's hand, too, because why not? 

I am not a warm and fuzzy mom, by any means. I don't like babies and am just starting to bond with Soren - and he just turned one. BUT, I definitely love my snuggles, and sitting between my two children, holding their hands and having them hold on to me, was one of the most joyful experiences I have had in a long time. 

Life is hard. In fact, for the last year it has seemed almost impossibly difficult. But these unexpected moments, squished in between one thing and another, are immeasurably precious and I am very grateful for them. 

Merry Christmas everyone. Give your loved ones an extra hug and may you feel a little extra joy, too. 

Noodles and Soda and Movies

Last night Robb helped out by putting Ren to bed. Well, at least trying to put Ren to bed. In the process Robb threw out his back (not as severe as last time, but still, not good) and was down and out for the count. He was up most of the night with massive pain and finally took a mega dose of pain medication around 4 o'clock in the morning.

No fun, but not too bad, right? Fast forward to this morning...

Robb is basically incoherent on the couch (no sleep, muscle relaxants, and Percoset will do that to you), I'm getting breakfast for Ren and suddenly - I start throwing up. Ah, the joys of pregnancy!

I'm sure this doesn't sound fun (it hasn't been), but here's what I'm grateful for today:
- friends who tried to find ways to help/watch Ren for me (it didn't work out, but at least they tried)
- Netflix, which kept Ren quietly occupied for several hours while I concentrated on not throwing up (and no, I don't generally advocate hours of TV watching, especially because Ren gets really cranky when I eventually turn it off, but I am SERIOUSLY grateful for Netflix any time both Robb and I are sick)
- soda, which helps my stomach calm down, and
- soba noodles, which are yummy and stayed down (hooray!)

If I can find something good on a day like today, so can you - so what's your good thing today?

Coincidence? I Think Not.

I went on Facebook and as it was loading I saw a status post that intrigued me, but as the page fully loaded it disappeared. I looked for it in my newsfeed, didn't find it, so searched out that individual's page to locate the post. Their status/quote led me to a very good article, and within the article there was another quote that really struck me. I followed the footnote to find the second article, and it was exactly what I needed to read.

Sometimes the Lord is so obviously involved in my life that even I can't fail to miss it. (And I'm very grateful!)

Silver Lining

So about three weeks ago I cut off all my hair, and two weeks later it was driving me nuts (still too long), so I went and got it cut again. Well...it's now a little shorter than I really wanted (I look a LOT more like my younger brother than I ever realized!), but here's one bit of silver lining: my default bed head is now a mohawk! It makes me laugh every morning. :-)

Background

So about seven or eight weeks ago Robb injured his back. This has happened before, and usually within a week or two he's good to go. This time, not so much. After about a month of seeing the chiropractor three times a week the good doctor (he really IS pretty awesome) suggested to Robb that he felt there was a high probability of disk trouble and that Robb should see his regular doctor and request some images of his spine.

One MRI later (about four weeks ago) we found out that Robb has some serious stuff going on in his lower back. (It's likely the original injury happened about ten years ago in a major mountain biking accident and that Robb has simply aggravated it and re-aggravated it to reach his current state.) Turns out Robb has three bulging disks, central canal stenosis (compression on his spinal cord), another problem with a nerve root, arthritis, and general degenerative disk problems. In his doctor's words "This is life changing. There are things you should never do again. (i.e. Run.) You will need to take care of yourself very carefully for the rest of your life if you want to enjoy a 'normal' quality of life." The spinal specialist told Robb to cancel his artist in residency trip to Craters of the Moon and instructed him not to do anything - other than his PT exercises and walking - for at least one month. Needless to say, Robb was rather depressed for a few days right after his diagnosis.

What this has meant for me is that Robb cannot (or at least should not) do anything that requires bending. This includes:

• picking up Ren
• dressing Ren
• changing diapers
• cooking
• cleaning
• getting Ren into or out of the car
• driving 

Basically I became a single parent with two kids (although Robb did - and does - his best to help out however he can), all while working full time and dealing with being exhausted and nauseated 24/7 due to pregnancy. (I found out I was pregnant right around the time Robb got his MRI. Fun!)

I've been struggling along, trying to keep things together and, to be honest, not doing the most fabulous job. While talking with my therapist a few days ago she asked if I have anyone local to lean on for help. I told her that a few people at church had offered to help but that I have a really hard time actually letting others do these basic things (cleaning, laundry, child care) for me. Her response: "Ask for help!" So...on Sunday I sat down and wrote out a list of things people could do that would be helpful (drop off or pick up Ren from the babysitter's, watch him in the evening so I can clean, help clean and/or help with laundry.) Today I had several lovely offers: drop off and pick up, watch Ren in the afternoon, and even an offer to do a couple loads of laundry.

Now, I didn't actually take up any of these people on their offers of help - mostly because I spent the first half of the day being violently ill and the second half of the day in the doctor's office - however, it was really awesome to be offered so much assistance. Our amazing babysitter ended up keeping Ren until 6:30 (we usually pick him up at 2:00; we were at the doctor's for a looong time), and then Ren's former nanny called to let us know she was in town and wanted to take Ren for a play date. She and her husband kept him until 9:00, so I was able to just rest in bed.

All in all, people have been pretty extraordinary. Hopefully I can actually take them up on their various offers of service in the next few days and I'll have even more awesome experiences to share. We shall certainly see!

A Big Little Thing

April was a hard month - can you tell? Actually, the last 6+ weeks have been pretty killer: crazy stress at work up until April 1, Robb massively injured his back and still has limited mobility (he can now walk and drive but still can't pick up Ren, bend over to change diapers or clothes, etc.), legal stress, illness in the family, etc.

Things have been okay for a little while now but I got out of the habit of posting, so here's my rededication post of an extraordinary event from today: Today I got to see my baby's heart beating in an ultrasound. Life is absolutely extraordinary in every way.

Treats

Three words: Lee's Avocado Smoothie.  Oh yeeeeeaaah.

Lots of stress the last two days as I prepared for a potentially VERY difficult meeting today. I put at least five hours into a report (typically they take one hour each), and analyzed that thing to death. I decided my post-meeting reward would be one of my favorite treats: an avocado smoothie (though I did get mine sans boba today). I get these maybe twice a year, and they are SO good. Most definitely an extraordinary part of my day. :-D

Feedback

Today there were a few extraordinary moments.

1. Colored paper in the copier made for a bright surprise.  It was even yellow - how's that for cheery?

2. Unexpected conversation with the always-lovely Shawn Kirchner. It's impossible to talk with him and not feel better. He was even struggling through a composing challenge and was STILL upbeat and positive. I need to take some lessons.

(Speaking of Shawn, in case you didn't know, he's an über talented choral composer and is currently the composer in residence for the Los Angeles Master Chorale. Go here and listen to the preview for track 15. Better yet, buy it at iTunes!) :-)

3.  Feedback from my husband on some work-related stuff. I needed someone to be a thought partner and he did a stellar job.

It's late, and I'm tired and sick and ready for bed - but it's been a good day.  I hope your day had some extraordinary moments and if you didn't catch any today, I hope you do so tomorrow!

A Good Day

Today was good: work is going well, I'm on top of things (amazing!), I got to hang out with friends at needlecraft group...all in all, a sweet deal.

Quote of the day (from this tearjerker of a video):

"I was just grateful I could be an instrument in her orchestra."

Isn't that beautiful? I want to be an instrument in others' orchestras! I'm grateful for this woman's eloquence because it made me think differently of the many ways we can influence other people. Sometimes it's big, sometimes it's small, sometimes we are just a part of a harmonious, multi-person work of art.

It's Not Easy Being Green

But a ton of people are giving it their best shot today! ;-)

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone. I hope you all had a great day.  Some highlights from my day:

- a fourth grade student in an intervention class (typically for students who are two to three years behind grade level in reading and writing) knowing and being able to correctly use the word "smelting" even when his teacher didn't know the word. Way to go, dude!

- having cough drops to share with another sick teacher. Anything I can do to ease the load, you can count on me.

- naps! Because (in case it wasn't clear above), I'm sick, so sleeping is GREAT.

And now I'm off to bed, for more sleep!

Crazy Times!

Okay, a whole week with no posting is just sad, I know - but work has been INSANE. I'm talking up- until-at-least-midnight-every-night insane. Throw in at least an e-mail a day about the lawsuit, a toddler with pink eye, and a husband who hasn't been able to sleep and things get a little...intense.

HOWEVER, I have been taking note of the marvelous things that happen each day, so here we go:

Right Now: listening to this. It's my theme song this year, and gets me going every time.

Today: I finished my work by 9:40 pm and am totally caught up! This is amazing - I can't even tell you how excited I am and how GREAT I feel. It's definitely motivation to keep up the fabulous work, that's for sure.

Wednesday: I observed a teacher at my old school and some of my former students are in her class. First, she's amazing, and it's always a pleasure to watch a master at work. Second, those kids have made SO much progress! It makes my heart happy to see them succeed.

Tuesday: Met with the Director of HR for the district and received repeated reassurance about the whole lawsuit issue. What an immeasurably HUGE weight off my shoulders.

Monday: Observed one of my favorite teachers. I love visiting her class; the energy is so great and, to be honest, there's always something smile-inducing in a kinder classroom!

Sunday: Sweet two year old Claire in my nursery class at church. She doesn't talk much but she certainly loves to sing. We had fun, even if the other two munchkins preferred running around to music time!

Also, Spring!

I was walking around outside of church, talking to the advice nurse about Farren's eye situation, and it was such a beautiful, peaceful afternoon. Shining sun, cool and gentle breeze, softly drifting blossoms and all. Definitely a balm to my soul. (Happy sigh...)

So there you have it folks, although I haven't written every day, I'm at least making the mental effort, and that counts for something, right?

How about you? Has spring started to show its face? Are you feeling well? I hope so!

Silver Lining

I got a phone call from my union president this evening, informing me that one of my participating teachers had just filed a lawsuit against the district, the union, and myself and that I will be served with papers sometime in the very near future.

The silver lining?

My union supports me.

My supervisors support me.

The district leadership supports me.

My union president is awesome enough to call and give me a heads up so I won't be blindsided. 

The joys of being a professional performance evaluator!

Rico, Suave

I had a rough day today and pretty much felt like crying at least half the time. This is why I decided to visit the classroom of one of my favorite teachers (and favorite people): because spending time around her is always uplifting. 

Off I went, to the haven of happiness that is her kindergarden classroom - and it didn't disappoint! She gave me a hug, a couple of her students read to me (which is a big accomplishment on their part), and then I got to join them on the carpet for a review of their journal entries. 

One little girl wrote about her day and included a mention of going to Zumba class with her mom. This, of course, led to other students sharing their Zumba experiences, which led to a few children dancing while seated. When the teacher commented that they were showing some nice Zumba moves one little boy said "No way. It's like this." and he then proceeded to stand up and give a 15 second demonstration of his Zumba skills.

I was laughing so hard (and trying so hard to keep it contained), that I hid my head, because I knew I was bright red and crying a little bit, too. Ain't no party like a Kinder dance party!

Tuesday

It's been a really difficult week and an exceptionally trying day, so I'm going to post several of the things I meant to post earlier this week but didn't. I really need to focus on positive thoughts right now.

Tuesday afternoon I was looking for help with writing a difficult evaluation. I sent a message to my two colleagues and two supervisors who work out of the district office to see if any of them had time to be a thought partner. All four of them were running around like crazy, but one of my colleagues finally stopped by to help me out.

As we were discussing my concerns my very eloquent and thoughtful coworker gave me one of the kindest (and most unexpected) compliments I've ever received. He shared that, in his opinion, making sure others feel my appreciation for them is something that is of major importance to me. He went so far as to say that my actions and words have inspired him to try and show appreciation for others more regularly.

I was taken by surprise by our conversation, and I have to say that while I was flattered I didn't necessarily agree with his praise...until a few hours later when I was running an errand and reminded myself that I want to buy flowers for someone in the district office to tell her thank you. That was when I remembered my colleague's compliment from earlier and I had to smile to myself - at least a little.

It was a nice feeling.

Moms are Awesome

I saw this today and it's too good not to share.  Hope you enjoy it!

Beautiful Things

It is rainy (yea!) and cold here in the Bay Area, so I had the chance to wear a beautiful scarf my mother-in-law knit and gave me for Valentine's. (I saw her working on it while we were visiting at Christmas and told her how beautiful it was and she said I could have it. Sweet!) It's made of these beautiful, warm, autumnal colors and is done with an entrelac technique and it's absolutely gorgeous. I received more than one compliment on the scarf today and was grateful for the warmth (both literal and figurative) it provided.

Amazing People

Rough week, as you can probably tell. Good things have been happening, I just haven't taken the time to sit and reflect on them. Maybe if I had the week wouldn't have seemed so difficult. Hmm.....

I know I've written previously about how much I love my job, but let me just say again: it is such a privilege and honor to observe different teachers every day. Teachers are truly amazing people.

Case in point: I observed a second year teacher early this week. The lesson was good but I had some concerns about equity of consequences (behavior management). I met with her the next day and we talked about it - and BOY, am I glad we had that conversation. Turns out she is very much aware of each of her students' needs and situations, and the different reactions and consequences were based on that knowledge. That conversation reminded me of Rita Pierson's TED talk. I hope that during my time in the classroom I had that sort of positive impact on my students.

Robb and Ren and Really Yummy Popcorn

Today was crazy. I'm behind at work and, in an effort to dig myself out of the pit, told Robb I wouldn't come home until I was caught up. Well, 11 hours later I gave up and went home. (I did get really close to being totally caught up. Maybe it will happen tomorrow. Ha!) So today I am grateful for

1. Robb, for holding down the fort at home and letting me focus on my catching up,
2. Ren, for giving me good hugs and making me laugh, especially when we made
3. Really Yummy Popcorn. Making popcorn (in a glass-topped pot on the stove, with a two year old) is awesome. Particularly when you get hugs while you wait for the oil to get hot enough.

So grateful for my guys today. They make life wonderful.

Food

Today my standout moments and realizations all centered around dinner. I love to cook and bake (which is a good thing, since I have to do it often), and tonight I got to be a little creative. I'm grateful for delicious produce from our CSA, I'm grateful for the things I've learned about flavor combinations and cooking since I met Robb (he eats a much broader variety of foods than I used to), and I'm grateful for our little herb garden. Oh - and lest I forget - I'm grateful dinner turned out to be delicious!

(And in case anyone wonders, it wasn't too off the wall, just butternut squash stuffed with white and wild rice, onion, garlic, parsnips, broccoli, celery, crimini mushrooms, slivered almonds, parsley, sage, and rosemary. No thyme.) :-)

The Sound of Silence

Today I am grateful for the sound of silence.  More specifically, I am grateful for the sound of the power drill turning off and not turning on again!  Robb has been sanding his giant steelcase flat file for three days (!!!) and we are all VERY grateful the job is finally finished.

Silence is definitely golden.