Right now I am grateful I feel better than I did most of the day. This was a rough day emotionally. Not for any specific reason (I blame hormonal fluctuation), but definitely not pleasant. I rode my bike for a little while this afternoon and I think that helped me start to feel better, so I'm also grateful I have a bike. Feeling so poorly about myself is no fun - especially when I KNOW (and repeat to myself often) that I am doing all kinds of things to improve, but my stinkin' emotions won't match up with my brain. So yes, grateful for that bike ride and grateful I feel better. Phew!
When you have a super negative day how do you break out of it?
Friday, January 31, 2014
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Hooray!
It finally rained! We need rain so badly here in California, so it was such a blessing to watch it come down. I also realized once again how much I love my new job (and I hadn't noticed this before due to the lack of rain), but I no longer have to deal with indoor recess and indoor lunch. Hooray! (And a huge virtual hug to all the elementary teachers out there who did have to deal with that today.) :-)
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Strengths Search
My sister posted a link to an article about rediscovering your strengths and talents, so I had to check it out. It's talks about Tom Rath's book, StrengthsFinder 2.0. He discusses identifying your talents or gifts and how you can work to turn those into strengths. To get started, the author of the article offers 12 fill-in-the-blank questions to ask yourself and help you understand your strengths. I figure this will help me better appreciate myself, so here I go:
1. Someday I really want to: write a book, fly (hang glide or paraglide), learn how to swim for real (I can swim, but I'm totally self-taught), be a master gardener.
2. When I was a kid I dreamed I would: be just like my sister (because she was, and still is, freaking amazing!) I may also have dreamed about being a chef, but "cooking" may have just been my favorite game.
3. I’ve only tried it a few times but I really like: sewing, dancing.
4. My friends call me when they need help with: childcare, food/baking, emotional support.
5. I could teach a how-to class about: teaching, crocheting a scarf, sewing a Mario hat, cooking/baking, strategies for combating depression, practicing mindfulness through blogging. :-)
6. Something someone else has done that I just know I could do too is: write a book.
7. A homemade gift I would make would include: food, either baked or canned, something crocheted, something sewn.
8. If I skipped out on work for a day, I would: sleep in, go to the beach, read, bake or cook.
9. I could help others by: serving them, especially by being physically and mentally present.
10. I am fulfilled when: I read to my son, my choir sings a beautiful song, a lesson I teach touches people, I help another improve or grow, I make food for people.
11. I really enjoy: music, sewing, reading, talking/being with family or friends, cooking/baking for people.
12. The things I do that really excite me are: helping other teachers reflect on their practice, figure out areas for growth, and provide resources and feedback to facilitate their growth, travel.
Hmm...well, I've either got very narrow interests or I've figured out where my talents lie. What about you? What are your talents, gifts, and strengths? I hope you can identify at least a few and that you can focus on them rather than your perceived flaws.
I'm Tired!
Did you know that taking a cake decorating class is actually a lot of work? Shaine had the (good) idea to take a class together at a Michael's or Joann's somewhere in between our respective homes, so for the last 4 weeks we've been meeting up in Milpitas every Tuesday from 5:30 - 8:00 pm. Today I worked until 2:30, made frosting and prepped my final cake until 5:00, drove to Milpitas for class (and making those stinking roses works your forearms, let me tell you), and made it home around 8:30. I scarfed some dinner (thank you, wonderful husband!) and settled in to finish my homework for a training I'm taking. (I swear I would have done it over Christmas break if only we hadn't all gotten sick!) ;-)
Anyway, it's been three hours, my homework is not yet complete (though I'm close), and
I
am
tired!
So here's my extraordinary moment: I made this. Hooray!
Anyway, it's been three hours, my homework is not yet complete (though I'm close), and
I
am
tired!
So here's my extraordinary moment: I made this. Hooray!
PS: I do not actually know if it's the 100th day of school, but I do know it's close. I just needed something to put on my cake! :-)
Monday, January 27, 2014
A Porcupine Kind of Day
Today was rough. From the moment I woke up - make that from the moment Little Man woke me up, I was very short tempered. I was on my own with him for a few hours this morning, and trying to work with a Mommy-obsessed two year old is difficult. (While it's cute when he says "I check e-mail. I send message." it gets old when he tries to do it as I'm trying to actually work.)
This evening I was on my own with him for another few hours. I tried setting him up with Daniel Tiger while I sat next to him and did more work, then switched to Pandora toddler radio (which he liked, but he kept asking to "watch this one!" I'm guessing CD cover art and DVD cover art are indistinguishable at his age.) After a while of listening to the radio and my increasing sense of guilt over focusing on my work rather than on him, I found a toddler dance video and tried to do that together, and he got MAD. This was right around the three hour mark and I was done. I shut down the laptop and curled up on the couch with my 45 pages of graduate level reading.
My fabulous husband put dinner on the table shortly thereafter, and I went to the table in a less-than-happy mood. (I usually sit next to Little Man and Dad sits on the other side of the table. I snagged the solo seat right off the bat. Full porcupine mode, for sure.)
So...my moment? Well, on Monday nights we have dedicated family time. We sing a song, say a prayer, share a "lesson" (usually more of a thought), play a little, and wrap things up with another prayer. Dad ran the meeting because I was still in porcupine mode, and he pulled up a video from www.biblevideos.org. We watched the parable of the talents and another about "ye have done it unto me", both from Matthew 25.
I was struck by the thought of the servant who received one talent and buried it in the earth because he was afraid. However, to be perfectly honest, the best part about the videos was simply the feeling of peace that came from listening to the Savior's words. It was probably the most peaceful I felt all day, and I'm grateful for that.
The crazy added bonus of my day comes from writing this blog. As I've been writing I've realized my short temperedness (?) is probably due to my internalizing stress about meeting all my deadlines this week. I don't think I would have realized this if I hadn't taken the time to reflect on my day, so...thank you, blog.
I hope if you have a porcupine sort of day you will be able to find some peace and put down those quills for a while.
This evening I was on my own with him for another few hours. I tried setting him up with Daniel Tiger while I sat next to him and did more work, then switched to Pandora toddler radio (which he liked, but he kept asking to "watch this one!" I'm guessing CD cover art and DVD cover art are indistinguishable at his age.) After a while of listening to the radio and my increasing sense of guilt over focusing on my work rather than on him, I found a toddler dance video and tried to do that together, and he got MAD. This was right around the three hour mark and I was done. I shut down the laptop and curled up on the couch with my 45 pages of graduate level reading.
My fabulous husband put dinner on the table shortly thereafter, and I went to the table in a less-than-happy mood. (I usually sit next to Little Man and Dad sits on the other side of the table. I snagged the solo seat right off the bat. Full porcupine mode, for sure.)
So...my moment? Well, on Monday nights we have dedicated family time. We sing a song, say a prayer, share a "lesson" (usually more of a thought), play a little, and wrap things up with another prayer. Dad ran the meeting because I was still in porcupine mode, and he pulled up a video from www.biblevideos.org. We watched the parable of the talents and another about "ye have done it unto me", both from Matthew 25.
I was struck by the thought of the servant who received one talent and buried it in the earth because he was afraid. However, to be perfectly honest, the best part about the videos was simply the feeling of peace that came from listening to the Savior's words. It was probably the most peaceful I felt all day, and I'm grateful for that.
The crazy added bonus of my day comes from writing this blog. As I've been writing I've realized my short temperedness (?) is probably due to my internalizing stress about meeting all my deadlines this week. I don't think I would have realized this if I hadn't taken the time to reflect on my day, so...thank you, blog.
I hope if you have a porcupine sort of day you will be able to find some peace and put down those quills for a while.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Sharing Experiences (and lots of links)
Today I taught a lesson for Relief Society (the women's group at my church). I was asked to base my lesson on the talk "Come, Join With Us" given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in October of 2013. I love to teach (which is good, since that's my full time gig), and I particularly love teaching at church. We have the best discussions, and I had more than one extraordinary moment while teaching today.
A couple highlights:
First, President Uchtdorf's talk starts out describing some of the many services members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints provide. The question is raised: "Why would anyone want to join such a church?" One of the reasons people might choose to be part of our church is because of the many opportunities to put your faith into practice. We discussed this as a class, both how it feels to come into a church that's so volunteer-service oriented and how that service affects us.
What's interesting to me is that, as we talked about service we render, the sisters pointed out how we are enriched, enlightened, uplifted and refined as serve. As I was listening to their comments I remembered something I had read about depression: volunteering combats depression. Think about it - you're giving of yourself to others. Just as accomplishing any goal can give you an increased sense of self-worth, by providing service to others we are blessed ourselves. (Mosiah 2:24 comes to mind: ...he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you...)
If you're not convinced, how about some expert explanation?
So, the take away here is:
a) If you're depressed, find a way to volunteer!
b) If you don't know where/how to start volunteering, try www.justserve.org
c) If you want to read more about the effect of volunteering on psychological health, just run a search on "volunteering and depression"
My second big highlight came from our discussion of the second half of President Uchtdorf's talk, when he discusses some of the reasons why people might leave and questions they might raise before coming back. He said:
Lesson (re)learned:
a) If you are depressed and feel worse when you compare yourself to others, stop comparing yourself to other people. We spend too much time comparing our weaknesses to others' strengths.
b) If you have a hard time eliminating the mental comparisons, try talking to some of those people to whom you're comparing yourself. You'd be surprised how many of them feel or have felt the same way you do.
c) Remember that the race is not against each other - the race is against ourselves. As long as we are making progress, be it great or small, we're still moving forward! So if things seem bleak, ask God to help you move forward, AND (this has been key for me), ask Him to help you notice it when you do so. This is what happened for me when I was on my bike a couple days ago, and I absolutely cannot express how wonderful it felt to realize and truly feel that I am doing better, than I am moving forward, and that there is most definitely light at the end of the tunnel.
I hope you can feel that way too, and if you're not feeling it now, don't give up!!!
A couple highlights:
First, President Uchtdorf's talk starts out describing some of the many services members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints provide. The question is raised: "Why would anyone want to join such a church?" One of the reasons people might choose to be part of our church is because of the many opportunities to put your faith into practice. We discussed this as a class, both how it feels to come into a church that's so volunteer-service oriented and how that service affects us.
What's interesting to me is that, as we talked about service we render, the sisters pointed out how we are enriched, enlightened, uplifted and refined as serve. As I was listening to their comments I remembered something I had read about depression: volunteering combats depression. Think about it - you're giving of yourself to others. Just as accomplishing any goal can give you an increased sense of self-worth, by providing service to others we are blessed ourselves. (Mosiah 2:24 comes to mind: ...he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you...)
If you're not convinced, how about some expert explanation?
Helping others kindles happiness, as many studies have demonstrated. When researchers at the London School of Economics examined the relationship between volunteering and measures of happiness in a large group of American adults, they found the more people volunteered, the happier they were, according to a study in Social Science and Medicine. Compared with people who never volunteered, the odds of being “very happy” rose 7% among those who volunteer monthly and 12% for people who volunteer every two to four weeks. Among weekly volunteers, 16% felt very happy—a hike in happiness comparable to having an income of $75,000–$100,000 versus $20,000, say the researchers. Giving time to religious organizations had the greatest impact.
(Adapted with permission from Simple Changes, Big Rewards: A Practical, Easy Guide for Healthy, Happy Living, a special health report published by Harvard Health Publications.)
So, the take away here is:
a) If you're depressed, find a way to volunteer!
b) If you don't know where/how to start volunteering, try www.justserve.org
c) If you want to read more about the effect of volunteering on psychological health, just run a search on "volunteering and depression"
My second big highlight came from our discussion of the second half of President Uchtdorf's talk, when he discusses some of the reasons why people might leave and questions they might raise before coming back. He said:
Some might say, “I don’t think I could live up to your standards.”All the more reason to come! The Church is designed to nourish the imperfect, the struggling, and the exhausted. It is filled with people who desire with all their heart to keep the commandments, even if they haven’t mastered them yet.A few women opened up about difficult times in their lives when they struggled with depression or other obstacles. The really interesting part, however, was when each of them shared that once they started talking with other people they found out that many other people are experiencing the same feelings. For whatever weird reason, we tend to think we are the only ones who can't get it together. This is NOT TRUE.
Lesson (re)learned:
a) If you are depressed and feel worse when you compare yourself to others, stop comparing yourself to other people. We spend too much time comparing our weaknesses to others' strengths.
b) If you have a hard time eliminating the mental comparisons, try talking to some of those people to whom you're comparing yourself. You'd be surprised how many of them feel or have felt the same way you do.
c) Remember that the race is not against each other - the race is against ourselves. As long as we are making progress, be it great or small, we're still moving forward! So if things seem bleak, ask God to help you move forward, AND (this has been key for me), ask Him to help you notice it when you do so. This is what happened for me when I was on my bike a couple days ago, and I absolutely cannot express how wonderful it felt to realize and truly feel that I am doing better, than I am moving forward, and that there is most definitely light at the end of the tunnel.
I hope you can feel that way too, and if you're not feeling it now, don't give up!!!
I Still Consider This Saturday!
We had friends over for dinner and we chatted for a looooong time afterward. Now it's 1:30 am and I need to go to bed, but not before I post! :-)
Today's extraordinary event: my bike ride with Little Man. I wanted to make sure we got out of the house today, so I dragged him out to his bike trailer and headed off to the park. Except he heard a train whistle and told me he wanted to see trains, so I adjusted my route and went to the train station first. We parked the bike and headed up to the train platform, and just as we got up top a train pulled in. (Awesome!) Little Man was super excited to watch the passengers get on and off and kept waving at the train. When it departed the station the conductor rang the bell a few extra times and waved goodbye. We were smiling and so was he - so hopefully we added to his day.
From the train station we headed out toward the park, but at the first major intersection I spied some sort of event involving fire trucks. "Hey buddy, would you like to see some fire trucks?" As you can probably guess, the answer was "YES!" So we crossed the street and had the pleasure of discovering
a) the location of the Elks Lodge here in town, and
b) three different fire trucks from various eras (1890s wagon, 1910s truck, modern ladder truck that was monumentally huge).
Once again, Little Man was super excited (and he really wanted to climb that ladder)!
After the firetrucks I struck out toward the park, and once we got there we had an enjoyable 20 minute play session. Then we hopped back on the bike and went home. I'm so glad I listened to Little Man when he said he wanted to see trains, because if I hadn't gone that way we would have missed the fire trucks. It was a great ride with lovely unexpected surprises that made Little Man's day and definitely brightened mine.
Today's extraordinary event: my bike ride with Little Man. I wanted to make sure we got out of the house today, so I dragged him out to his bike trailer and headed off to the park. Except he heard a train whistle and told me he wanted to see trains, so I adjusted my route and went to the train station first. We parked the bike and headed up to the train platform, and just as we got up top a train pulled in. (Awesome!) Little Man was super excited to watch the passengers get on and off and kept waving at the train. When it departed the station the conductor rang the bell a few extra times and waved goodbye. We were smiling and so was he - so hopefully we added to his day.
From the train station we headed out toward the park, but at the first major intersection I spied some sort of event involving fire trucks. "Hey buddy, would you like to see some fire trucks?" As you can probably guess, the answer was "YES!" So we crossed the street and had the pleasure of discovering
a) the location of the Elks Lodge here in town, and
b) three different fire trucks from various eras (1890s wagon, 1910s truck, modern ladder truck that was monumentally huge).
Once again, Little Man was super excited (and he really wanted to climb that ladder)!
After the firetrucks I struck out toward the park, and once we got there we had an enjoyable 20 minute play session. Then we hopped back on the bike and went home. I'm so glad I listened to Little Man when he said he wanted to see trains, because if I hadn't gone that way we would have missed the fire trucks. It was a great ride with lovely unexpected surprises that made Little Man's day and definitely brightened mine.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Take That!
So I thought my extraordinary moment would be either going on a date with my husband tonight (we've gone on maybe four dates in the last two years, so I was very excited), or the kindness of the friend who watched our son so we could go out. (Swapping babysitting is AWESOME. Why did we not figure out how to make this work before???) However, my most extraordinary moment was a personal victory.
I was riding my bike today and thinking I should really have done more exercise or something more vigorous, and then I thought to myself "Hey! I'm exercising - and that's freaking amazing, so shut it!"
And I stopped beating myself up.
I've been putting myself down for so long, this was truly an extraordinary event. And if I did it once, I can do it again. I hope you can, too!
I was riding my bike today and thinking I should really have done more exercise or something more vigorous, and then I thought to myself "Hey! I'm exercising - and that's freaking amazing, so shut it!"
And I stopped beating myself up.
I've been putting myself down for so long, this was truly an extraordinary event. And if I did it once, I can do it again. I hope you can, too!
Thursday, January 23, 2014
New Habits
So I planned on posting something each evening, since I would need to experience my day in order to take note of the extraordinary things in my life. The downside to this plan is that by the end of the day I'm tired and not thinking about posting. Hence, yesterday's lack of writing. :-)
That said, yesterday was a good day, and at various points I thought "This. This will be my extraordinary thing to share." My final choice is something basic, but beautiful and happiness-inducing, so here it is: Mother Nature, specifically speaking, the weather. California desperately needs rain - and I hope and pray we get some - but in the meantime, I'm seriously enjoying the weather. Yesterday afternoon around 3:00 pm I rode my bike a couple miles to meet with a friend (also an extraordinary part of my day), and it was a gloriously beautiful ride. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, it was around 70 degrees, and it felt really good to be alive.
Today's extraordinary event(s) were all the kindnesses my husband showed me. He read through a report I'd written to give me a fresh perspective, took care of our son so I could go to a pilates class, made a delicious dinner (seriously, you should give this recipe a try), cleaned up the kitchen, and gave me a hug whenever I asked for one. He's definitely a keeper and he repeatedly made me happy today.
What about you? What was extraordinary in your day?
That said, yesterday was a good day, and at various points I thought "This. This will be my extraordinary thing to share." My final choice is something basic, but beautiful and happiness-inducing, so here it is: Mother Nature, specifically speaking, the weather. California desperately needs rain - and I hope and pray we get some - but in the meantime, I'm seriously enjoying the weather. Yesterday afternoon around 3:00 pm I rode my bike a couple miles to meet with a friend (also an extraordinary part of my day), and it was a gloriously beautiful ride. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, it was around 70 degrees, and it felt really good to be alive.
Today's extraordinary event(s) were all the kindnesses my husband showed me. He read through a report I'd written to give me a fresh perspective, took care of our son so I could go to a pilates class, made a delicious dinner (seriously, you should give this recipe a try), cleaned up the kitchen, and gave me a hug whenever I asked for one. He's definitely a keeper and he repeatedly made me happy today.
What about you? What was extraordinary in your day?
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Preface
I struggle with depression. A lot. While I'm definitely not at my lowest point, I'm not where I want to be, either. Focusing on the positive, amazing, extraordinary things that happen every day will, I hope (and actually, science supports this hope) help me improve my outlook in general and my overall emotional well being.
So...who am I? I am the daughter of two truly amazing parents. I am a sister to six brothers and one sister, an aunt to fourteen fabulous nieces and nephews, a friend, a wife and a mother. My husband and I met online (Thank you Internet. Love, The Introverts) and have been married since 2008. Our son was born in 2011 and he is a joy. I work full time as a teacher and my husband is working his way through an MFA: Graphic Design program.
I have had Type 1 diabetes since I was three and a half. My husband has ADHD. I fight against depression and my husband and I both have issues with anxiety from time to time. We exercise regularly, eat a plant based, largely organic diet, drink lots of water, and have unicorns bless our superfoods as often as possible. (Still reading? I'm impressed!)
Somehow, I allowed myself to beat negative thought patterns into place without realizing what I was doing. Now it's time to let those paths grow weeds and fall into disuse as I do some positive thought trailblazing. You're welcome to join me - let's find the extraordinary, everyday.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)